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Post by Silicon on Jul 16, 2007 13:13:26 GMT -5
Man that's awful.
Okay, a guy's driving along down the road, not paying much attention, and rear-ends a parked car. The driver, who happens to be a dwarf, storms back to the guy's car, red-faced and obviously pissed off, screaming - "I'M NOT HAPPY!!!"
The guy looks up and says "well then, which one are ya?"
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Post by meanmoocow on Jul 16, 2007 15:32:28 GMT -5
rofl- stupid dwarves
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Post by meanmoocow on Jul 16, 2007 16:08:17 GMT -5
This woman has a boyfriend who has and adnormally large dick and a terrible stutter. She was finding that his dick was just too much for her and she asked him to get it reduced.
SO he goes to talk to a doctor about the process and upon examination they determine that his dick robs his body of so much that blood that his brain has been working properly and thats why he stutters. So, they remove 3" and his stutter is gone.
He goes home thinking his girlfriend would be happy but she now thought his dick was to small and sends hime back to get it revered. He goes to the doc, "I need to get the process revered. I want my big penis back." and the doctor replies, "Fffffuck yyouu"
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Cherrycoke
Legacy of the Void Officer
I'm your MT, forgetting his sheild
Posts: 497
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Post by Cherrycoke on Jul 16, 2007 17:10:33 GMT -5
WARNING!!!!!! RACIST JOKE AHEAD!!!!!
A black woman was filling out forms at the welfare office. Under "Number of children," she wrote "10," and where it said "List names of children," she wrote "Leroy." When she handed in the form, the woman behind the desk pointed out: "Now here where it says "List names of children," you're supposed to write the names of each one of your children." "Dey all named Leroy," said the black woman. "That's very unusual. When you call them, how do they know which one you want?" asked the welfare worker. "Oh, den I uses the last names."
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Stompshifter
Legacy of the Void Officer
Disgusting. . .
Posts: 1,804
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Post by Stompshifter on Jul 16, 2007 20:57:12 GMT -5
rofl rofl
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Post by meanmoocow on Jul 17, 2007 1:26:34 GMT -5
I heard that one before
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Stompshifter
Legacy of the Void Officer
Disgusting. . .
Posts: 1,804
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Post by Stompshifter on Jul 17, 2007 17:54:03 GMT -5
Three women get trapped on desert island. Stranded and left to die, their only hope is a magic fish they just caught. The fish says that it usually gives three wishes, but since three people, only one wish per person.
So the first woman says she wants to be smarter. The fish turns her into a master physicist. The woman calculates the parabolic trajectory of using wooden stick as elevator, and makes parachute having in mind average density of air and having calculated drag force. She jumps and succeeds to get to land safely on the shore.
The next woman saw that, so she wishes to be even smarter. The fish turns her into a master elecrical engineer. She makes a power generator with an iron core she just dug out and refined from nearby mountian, uses carbon debris to make wireing, and another iron stick as a rotor. With her knowledge of electrochemisty she manufactures electrolytic acid and uses it as capacitor that she charges via her generator. She then makes a wooden plate and hooks it up generator to capacitor, now in the role of electroengineer and connects a wooden propeller to the rotor. A short burst of current is enough to give it enough speed and with some manual drifting she manages to save herself too.
The third woman, fascinated, says she wants to be smarter than the previous two. The fish turns her into man, and man crosses the bridge.
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Cherrycoke
Legacy of the Void Officer
I'm your MT, forgetting his sheild
Posts: 497
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Post by Cherrycoke on Jul 18, 2007 9:21:50 GMT -5
WARNING!!!!!! RACIST JOKE(S) AHEAD!!!!!
A black guy walks into a bar with a beatiful parrot on his shoulder. "Wow," says the bartender. "That is really something. Where'd you get it?"
"Africa," says the parrot.
First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"
Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."
Teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write 'sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."
She does and gets a cookie. Teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.
Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."
Teacher says, "Good. If you write 'box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."
Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.
He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."
Teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write 'blatant racial discrimination' I'll give you a cookie."
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Post by meanmoocow on Jul 18, 2007 19:46:51 GMT -5
Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery. "Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"
"I'd rather not say who it was."
"Was it with Betty Smith?"
"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.
"Yes, and two very good leads!"
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Cherrycoke
Legacy of the Void Officer
I'm your MT, forgetting his sheild
Posts: 497
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Post by Cherrycoke on Aug 9, 2007 0:29:10 GMT -5
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Post by meanmoocow on Aug 9, 2007 15:54:51 GMT -5
wow, that just made that joke all to real. way to ruin my fun chery.
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Post by meanmoocow on Aug 10, 2007 20:58:39 GMT -5
Three guys are sitting in a bar when the first guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries an automatic garage door opener in her car and she doesn't have an automatic garage door." The second guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she has a cellular phone antenna on her car and she doesn't even have a cellular phone."
The third guy says, "My wife is so dumb, she carries a purse full of rubbers and she doesn't even have a dick."
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Post by meanmoocow on Aug 18, 2007 9:58:06 GMT -5
A husband and wife are watching "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire," and the husband winks and says, "Honey, let's go upstairs..."
The wife says no, so the husband asks again. Again she says no.
So the husband says, "Is that your final answer?" The wife says yes.
The husband says, "Well, can I phone a friend?"
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Post by meanmoocow on Aug 18, 2007 10:13:03 GMT -5
Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where he'd first had sex. "It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours," Clem recalled.
"That sounds wonderful," said Jed.
"Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us."
"Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter?"
"Baaaaa..."
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Post by meanmoocow on Aug 18, 2007 11:51:31 GMT -5
Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.'' The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The next Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''
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