|
Post by meanmoocow on May 9, 2007 22:04:21 GMT -5
whats the worst part about eating bald pussy?
putting the diaper back on!!
|
|
|
Post by undeaddeath on May 9, 2007 22:12:53 GMT -5
Aww, those poor lil' fellers . Jeez Happy Gilmore is so funny! "Well, you're a crappy Kindergarten teacher! I saw those finger paintings you brought home and they suck!" Whoo, good times with Adam Sandler. Sorry, I kind of went ADD for a second there.
|
|
|
Post by meanmoocow on May 9, 2007 22:19:25 GMT -5
how do you gat 1000 dead babies into a phone booth?
A wood chipper.
How do you get them out?
Nacho Chips.
|
|
|
Post by meanmoocow on May 15, 2007 17:19:00 GMT -5
have you ever seen Stevie Wonders Wife?
Neither has he!!!
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:41:38 GMT -5
Two strangers are sitting next to one another in a bar. Noticing that both of them seem a bit depressed, one of the men asks the other, "So what's got you down?"
The man replied, "I just had a really embarrassing moment in the airport today. Their was this absolutely gorgeous woman, with the biggest breasts I've seen, at the ticket counter. I approached her to buy some tickets, and instead of saying, 'excuse me, I'd like two tickets to Pittsburgh' I said, 'excuse me, I'd like two pickets to Titsburgh.'"
The first man says, "Wow, something very similar happened to me today. This morning, while eating breakfast with my wife, I meant to say, 'excuse me honey, would you please pass the syrup?', but instead, I accidentally slipped and said, "Dammit bitch, you are ruining my fucking life."
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:42:17 GMT -5
A man hears a knock at his door. He opens the door, looks around, and sees noone there but a snail at the foot of the door. He picks up the snail, looks at it, and then tosses it across his front yard.
Three years later, the man hears a knock at his door. He opens it and sees that same snail at the foot of his door.
The snail looks up at him and says, "What the fuck was that about?"
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:43:26 GMT -5
A woman is shopping in her local grocery store and purchases milk, breakfast cereal, and wheat bread. She brings her items to the check-out counter.
The Man behind the counter looks at the items she bought, then looks at the woman, and says, "Ahh, you must be single."
Startled, the woman says, ""That's amazing. I am single." Not noticing anything in particular about her purchase that would have clued him in, she added, "But how did you know?"
The man replied, "Because you are so very ugly."
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:45:52 GMT -5
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing ''Love'' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. ''I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" ''But why?'' asks the man. ''I'm a divorce lawyer."
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:48:29 GMT -5
A Man gets home from work to find his girlfriend packing up a suitcase. He asks her why she is packing a bag, and she says, "Because I'm leaving you."
He says, "Why are you leaving me?" and she responds, "Because you are a pedophile!"
He says, "Whoah, whoah, whoah!!!! Pedophile is a BIG word for a 14 year old."
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:51:45 GMT -5
There is a dude, whose wife has quite a sexual appetite. The guy is going on a business trip and he is in fear that while he's away his wife will cheat on him. So he goes to the sex shop and asks the man at the counter what he can do. "I'm worried about my wife can you help me, i need something to ocuupy her while i'm on my business trip." The store clerkreplies, "ah yes i have a special something right here" and he pulls out a box. He opens it and inside is a gold dildo luying there. The husband says, "but she has plenty of those, i need something different" "ah yes but your wife does not have this, this is a magical voodoo dick. whatever you want it to fuck it will."
"yeah right" says the guy.. but before he could blink the clerk says "voodoo dick, key hole" and in a instant the dick gets up on it's own and proceeds to screw the key hole" The man is amazed. "wow that is amazing" "but you must remeber this, very important, to make it stop you must say voodoo dick drop" the man buys it and takes it home to his wife... gives it to her an leaves that night. The next day the wife gets horny and decides to use her husbands present... she opens the box and says "vood dick, my pussy" and straight away it gets up and starts pumping her like mad.... the wife extatic uses the dick for almost half a day non stop. but she began to get tored from it and needed a rest. however she forgot what her husband had told her to stop it. "voodoo dick, stop" it didn't..... "voodoo dick, enough".... it kept going.... her husband wasn't back for 2 weeks so she could not wiat for him.... she put her dressing gown on and drove to the hospital. On the way the voodoo dick kept squirming inside her and she was having multiple orgasms still and she swerved off the road and through traffic, moaning. At half way a cop sees her and pulls her over.... she opens the window. "do you know why i pulled you over" "officer you must help me, my husband gave me this voodoo dick and i can make it stop it's been going for hours i can't stop" the cop looked at her for a bit, then laughed " HA! voodoo dick my ass".
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:54:06 GMT -5
A religious man was drowning and a boat came by and a man inside said "needa lift?" and the drowning guy replied, "no thanks, God will rescue me"...
A few moments later another boat passed by and a man inside said, "hey bud you needa lift?" and the drowning man replied once again, "no thanks, God will rescue me."
Soon the man drowned and went to heaven. He asked God, "hey why didnt you save me?" and God replied, "I sent you two boats you dumbass."
|
|
Thurgoft
Forum Troll
Lvl 60 Orc Shaman 305Mining/300 Alchemy
Posts: 92
|
Post by Thurgoft on May 15, 2007 17:55:04 GMT -5
Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
"It's a very handy thing" God told the couple, "and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that abilty."
Adam jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. It'd be so great. When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. It'd be sooo cool. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please."
Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didn't mind if Adam were the one to get this ability. Adam was happy, and proceeded to wash down the bark of the nearest tree, laughing with glee all the while.
"Alrighty then," God said, looking back into his bag of leftovers. "What's left here'" "Ah, yes. Multiple orgasms."
|
|
|
Post by meanmoocow on May 15, 2007 22:14:04 GMT -5
VOODOO DICK, THURGOFT!!!
|
|
|
Post by meanmoocow on Jul 11, 2007 22:37:28 GMT -5
WARNING!!!!!! RACIST JOKE AHEAD!!!!!
Why do black people kill each other?
WHO CARES???!!!!!!!
|
|
Stompshifter
Legacy of the Void Officer
Disgusting. . .
Posts: 1,804
|
Post by Stompshifter on Jul 11, 2007 23:11:51 GMT -5
WARNING!!!!!! RACIST JOKE AHEAD!!!!!
Whats the difference between a black person and a bucket of shit?
The bucket!!!!
|
|